


You'll Never Look Back

by Lanfear



Series: Mass Effect 2 [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst?, Liara T'Soni Cameo, M/M, Non-Canon Supplemental Characters, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-11
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-19 04:16:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanfear/pseuds/Lanfear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Final Part of the Mass Effect 2 series I'm doing with a heavier emphasis on Kaidan and how he handled Shepard's death. Kaidan's finally found someone to be with but the universe just can't seem to give him a break. He learns about the Lazarus Project and, in the end, must come to accept harsh truths about his life and the people that he cared about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cursing a Blue Streak

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for you patience! It was a long wait, and I was trying my best to type out as much as I could each day before my uni starts so I hope it doesn't appear too rushed. I'm still getting used to typing large swathes of text and it's proving very difficult for me. Sighs. Also, Kaidan is annoyingly difficult to write for. His speech is just so... unique, so please forgive me if I get it all wrong and break character and disrupt your immersion. Forgive me!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final Part of the Mass Effect 2 series I'm doing with a heavier emphasis on Kaidan and how he handled Shepard's death. Kaidan's finally found someone to be with but the universe just can't seem to give him a break. He learns about the Lazarus Project and, in the end, must come to accept harsh truths about his life and the people that he cared about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for you patience! It was a long wait, and I was trying my best to type out as much as I could each day before my uni starts so I hope it doesn't appear too rushed. Please read Part 2 of the Mass Effect 2 series that I've done, I promise you won't regret it as there's alot of things there that are referred to in this work. Part 1 was... ermmm... yeah... I'm still getting used to typing large swathes of text and it's proving very difficult for me. Sighs. Also, Kaidan is annoyingly difficult to write for. His speech is just so... unique, so please forgive me if I get it all wrong and break character and disrupt your immersion. Forgive me!!!

Kaidan absently swirled the beer bottle in his hand and he didn't know if the moistness that ran along the underside of his hand came from the drink's condensation or if he was just extremely nervous.

He was at the sushi bar down in the wards, what seemed to be the only sushi bar in the entire Citadel, and he was there rather earlier than the time that they had agreed upon. Not that it was necessarily a bad thing, but it did give him extra time to ramp up his nervous anticipation as well as allowed his mind to wander between many uncomfortable situations. It had been so long since he'd been on a date, a _real_ date, and he was sure that there was something that he'd screwed up somewhere. He took a long pull from the warming beer and made a face at the horrible taste in his mouth and tried to distract himself by recalling the past few hours, hoping he didn't do or say something that would need correcting later.

_He'd just walked out, leaving Masyra open-mouthed and gaping, and it was worth the little peck on her cheek just to see her so unbalanced. He grinned again at the memory but was sobered when he turned his attention back to his omni-tool. He didn't have a clue where to begin. He pressed a few buttons and the interface widened, the contact information that Mark had sent over still blinking at the edge. His fingers hovered over the keystroke that would allow him to access the information._

_Why was he hesitating? He had to admit, hanging onto the memory of Shepard seemed... desperate. It had been more than a year and half and he still couldn't get over the fact that Shepard, the man he fell in love with, the person he first allowed a glimpse into his heart, was gone. Taken away from him. And he was worried that no one could replace the man. In fact, he was sure of it._

_Perhaps there in lay the problem, no one_ could _replace Shepard. He'd been trying so hard to find someone, anyone, to replace something in his life that was irreplaceable and it was no wonder everything fell short. Masyra's words echoed through his mind,_ something that will nourish you _, she'd said. He tapped the key and the contact for Mark's omni-tool flitted across the interface. Just a name, and an ID, but perhaps, it was enough for a place to start again. He placed the call and lowered his omni-tool as his inbuilt earpiece chirpped._

_A nervous fluttering began in his chest as the chirrping continued monotonously and he began to pace nervously. He was an Alliance soldier and a Sentinel, not some school boy with a crush! He could do this! He'd just be suave and smooth and-_

_"Hello? This is Doctor Mark Johnson. May I know who's calling please?"_

_Kaidan froze, the hastily planned words dying on his tongue and he felt his confidence evaporate on hearing the other man's voice. It was difficult doing this without alcohol to lower the barriers he'd woven around himself._

_"Hello? You know, if this is some prank call Simon, I already told you that-"_

_"Uh, hey Mark. It's me. Alenko. Kaidan. Um... We met last night. At Dark Star." Yeah, really smooth Kaidan. I'm sure he's really impressed with you right now._

_"Kaidan? Wow... I mean, I wasn't really expecting you to call, you know?" The voice on the other end sounded more relaxed and his tone made Kaidan think that he was smiling as he spoke._

_"I, uh... I wasn't sure if now was a good time or..."_

_"No! I mean, yes! Now's a great time. I mean, yeah, I'm really glad that you called Kaidan. I was kinda looking forward to it. I hope you made it back to your bunk okay. You were weaving a little last night when I left you."_

_The concern touched Kaidan and left a light feeling in his chest that he'd forgotten he'd ever felt before and it took him a moment to realize that he was feeling real affection for the first time in a very long time._

_"It'll take more than four shots of that stuff to put me out," Kaidan replied, then mentally kicked himself when he realized he must have sounded like some alcoholic drunk. "I guess... that stuff is pretty strong, but we biotics burn it up faster than other people."_

_A slight pause on the other end._

_"So, you're a biotic as well as a soldier, huh?" Kaidan winced at his slip and he dreaded the condemnatory words that would erupt from his earpiece._

_"Great looks, killer body and magical powers to boot?" Mark replied. Yes, those flutterings Kaidan felt were turning into dancing asari in his belly. "You know, if I hadn't helped you walk your way back last night, I would've thought you were just a figment of my imagination."_

_Despite himself, Kaidan felt himself blushing ferociously. He turned to make sure there was no one else coming out of his bunk area before he continued forward to the communal exit. He'd never be able to sleep peacefully if Masyra or Turanas saw him blushing that way and making private whispered calls in the hallway._

_"I'm glad that I'm not just... a figment.. of your imagination, Mark. It'd be kinda akward for an imaginary friend to ask you out for, ah... lunch?" Kaidan hadn't intended end as a question but he was mentally stumbling over himself and he was making it up as he went along. And they said that sentinels were supposed to be steadfast and solid, unbreakable walls. Yeah, unbreakable walls crumbling over a phone call._

_A rich, warm laugh sounded from the other end. "Wow, you really are good at this. I guess resistance to your irresistible charms is something that I need to work harder at. I'd love to meet my imaginary friend for lunch," Mark paused as he consulted something, "How about down at Zakera Ward? There's this great sushi bar that does an amazing ramen, just near the entrance to level 26. It's nothing like Earth's, but it's as close as it'll get."_

_Kaidan wasn't stumbling anymore. He'd fallen flat on his face and was thrashing in the mire of his mind. He was_ good _at this? Maybe Mark liked them stammering and nervous, and he clamped down on that thought relentlessly before it could take root. "I, uh.. That sounds great. It'll be nice... to have lunch. With you. Mark. I'll see you there, then."_

_Akward. Kaidan decided it'd be best if he just ended the call and stopped himself from embarassing... himself any further. As he moved his finger up to swipe the call, Mark's humourous voiced returned, "You know Kaidan, it'd be pretty difficult to meet up with you when we haven't set a time. How about three hours from now? I'm sure you've got some things to do before that."_

_Kaidan wanted to run over to the nearest wall and smash his head in. Stupid. This was_ not _the soldier who had taken down the Geth_ and _Saren! It was some imposter wearing his skin and making him out to be an idiot. "Yeah," Kaidan croaked, "three hours. I'll see you later I guess."_

_"Do you really have to guess, Kaidan?"_

_"Well, maybe you just have that effect on me Mark. I... don't want to waste anymore of your time. Three hours, at the sushi bar."_

_"Yes, sir, Kaidan Alenko, sir."_

_Kaidan felt the call go dead. He hadn't realized his hand were trembling and he was covered with a slight sheen of sweat, his heart trying to beat its way out of his ribcage. The last time he'd felt like this was with-_

_No. No more thoughts about the past. It was buried, gone. Just like his time with Rahna and BAaT. It was time to move on. Three hours? He'd head down to the exercise hall and work out some of his nervous energy, that was all. It wasn't  because he wanted to look good for his 'date', wasn't at all that Mark had said he had a killer body. He just had too much energy at the moment so he'd-_

"Kaidan! You're here.. um... early? I guessed you kinda started without me."

The voice tore through the memory he'd been embedded in and he almost fell over the stool as he turned in surprise to see Mark walking up to him. The man looked... great. Well, he did to Kaidan anyway, and he couldn't help himself as he let his glance rake over the lean muscles on display under the doctor's tight shirt. Mark moved up to sit on the bar stool next to him, but he wasn't looking at Kaidan. He was staring at the bar top directly in front of him. Kaidan turned and felt his stomach drop to his feet.

There were four bottles of beer in front of him, all empty. He held a fifth in his right hand and hadn't even noticed the weight when he had swung around upon hearing Mark's voice. Realizing what this must be looking like to Mark, an alcoholic Kaidan sitting by himself and getting drunk at a god damned _sushi bar_ , he tried to stammer an apology, tried to say anything to get the man's thoughts away from all those bottles but he couldn't bring himself to look at Mark's face.

Mark smiled and tried to peek up at Kaidan's downturned gaze, "Hey it's alright Kaidan, I don't really think you're a drunk. Well, not until now anyway, I guess. If you were, you definitely wouldn't have been having those beers here. Three hours? You would've been drunk _way_ before now, you know?"

Kaidan sheepishly turned his face up to look at Mark. "I'm sorry, I mean... I know how this must look to you and I was uh, lost in some thoughts. I guess I didn't even realize what I was ordering..."

"You've got nothing to be sorry about," Mark said seriously, more serious than Kaidan had seen him before. "You're a soldier right? And a biotic to boot. Soldiers... they don't really have the easiest lives. As a doctor you see all kinds, especially out in the colonies. They all have a past and some are really much worse than others. From what I can remember last night, Kaidan, yours was really quite something. I guess you thought I was someone from your past?"

"Yeah, you know, I sort of remembered what I said to you, about last night. I'm sorry if I thought you were... someone else. I wasn't really in the right state-of-mind and you just, I mean, I thought you were..."

Mark was staring at the table as he fiddled with the menu tablet in front of him. He hadn't thought they'd come to this subject so quickly, had hoped that they wouldn't even broach it at all, but Mark knew that it was something they both had to get off their chest.

"You thought I was someone you loved, someone from your past," Mark whispered and knew he'd hit the target right in the middle when he saw Kaidan flinch. "Look, you don't have to explain anything to me Kaidan I-"

"No, Mark. I," Kaidan took a deep breath before continuing, "it wasn't fair to you, to be honest, and I think we should... talk about it. Yes, I thought for a moment, you were a man I served with. Someone I was... romantically involved with. His name was John Shepard, and he.. he really was quite something."

Mark turned an incredulous look at Kaidan. "Wait. Shepard? _The_ John Shepard? Saviour of the Citadel? Wow, I mean... Is that... Really?" he babbled stupidly.

It was Kaidan's turn to smile at Mark's discomfort.

"Yeah, I guess that, things have a way of happening when your life is on the line and... he was a great man, a friend and someone that, I'm not sure together is the right word but, he was someone that I was... opening up to."

"Well, it..." Mark swallowed. He felt he could have really used a beer right then himself. "I guess I've got alot to live up to. Not that I'm saying we've got something, ah..." Kaidan's huffing laugh made him want to crawl under the bar and hide.

"Don't worry Mark, you, ah, don't have to live up to anything. Just be _you_. I think... I think that what you said last night to me made alot of sense, and I know how difficult it can be to live up to a legend. Besides, if there wasn't any... mutual interest, would we have ended up here, you know, having lunch and this embarassing conversation?"

Mark had to admit that he felt a little relieved at the thought. "I guess you're right Kaidan, though I can understand if being around me made you a little... uncomfortable."

"Well, Mark. I'm here aren't I?" Kaidan looked around the bar for a moment before turning back to Mark. "I have to say, as far as first dates go, this is probably the most akward one I've been on."

Mark had to laugh at _that_ understatement. "Well, what if we didn't call it a date then? Let's just say this was a... fact finding mission. Get to know the other before we start to commit to anything?"

Kaidan grinned at that and felt some of the tension that had been building up inside him leave. A fact finding mission. He could _definately_ do that. "You know Mark, I think that's a really great idea. So, how about we make this lunch official by-"

"Everything alright here civilians? Enjoying your food?"

Kaidan wondered if it was possible for his face to shift into different colours at once. He recognized that voice and he didn't know if he was white with shock or with rage as he turned slowly away from the counter and turned to see stocky, little Masyra standing before him, arms crossed across her ample chest and face trying, and failing, to contain the widest grin he'd ever seen on her.

His fingers twitched and he wondered if he'd survive launching himself at her and throttling her against the floor of the Wards, and whether Mark would think he was a violent drunk as opposed to just a sad drunk. In the end, words of shock and words of rage both tried to emerge at the same time and left him with his mouth open and nothing but a piteous stutter trying to claw its way out.

"Um, everything's fine officer," Mark replied, utterly oblivious to the way Masyra was eyeing Kaidan and how Kaidan had gone silent and sat rooted to the chair. "Is there something, um... something we can do for you?"

"Not at all, sir," Masyra had given up hiding her wolfish grin and was still staring up at Kaidan, _she really is a short, little thing_ Kaidan thought wickedly, as she replied, "Just going through the rounds, making sure everyone on the Citadel is enjoying themselves and not making any trouble."

 _I'm going to kill you, Masyra_ , Kaidan thought darkly, _I'm going to find that video of you with that hanar in the C-Sec archives and flood the extranet with it_.

"Um, alright then officer. Do you, uh, need to see any identification or anything?" Mark was starting to get the picture that something was definately not normal and he kept shifting his gaze from the asari to Kaidan next to him, who looked like he was about to start hyperventilating.

"No. That's alright. I'm not here to bother or accost anyone," Kaidan looked like he was about to have an apoplexy at _that_ statement, "We gotta make sure there aren't any trouble makers down here in the wards. You never know, the types of people you can run into. C-Sec is a strong believer in a passive-presence, just to let everyone know that there is an avenue of law down here too." She still hadn't looked at Mark in any fashion and he decided that now was a good time to remain quiet and watch the show.

"Officer Masyra," Kaidan rasped after what seemed an eternity and his voice sounded raw and harsh, like he'd been screaming just a few moments ago. In truth, if he'd had his way, he probably would have been. "I'm glad to see you're doing C-Sec proud, you know, I think that you'd find it more useful to actually complete your rounds? Maybe somewhere uh, over _there._ "

Masyra's eyes narrowed at that, but she still kept that infuriating grin up and she spoke casually, "Well, _sir_ , you know what it's like. Sometimes it makes sense to stop by and speak to the people we're working so hard at protecting. I'm sure I've met you before _mister_ , but I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of meeting your-"

Kaidan's eyes blazed, did the woman know no shame? "And _I'm_ sure that you could find someone more interesting to speak to? Maybe a _hanar_ and a _krogan_ that happened to be business partners and needed to hire some... personal entertainment to celebrate their new partnership? Wouldn't it be interesting if that entertainment were really an undercover officer and needed some assistance getting away from her... ah, duties?" He felt a surge of satisfaction as Masyra's grin dropped and her faced turned a deep violet as she gripped the butt of her assualt rifle murderously.

"Hey, now you listen to me! I told you that was _work_ and that krogan was really nice! He even-"

"Oh sure, I can see why you enjoy your _work_ Mas. You know, I'd have thought the hanar was more your type. Tall. And elegant. What was it about opposites that attract?"

"You're going to regret that you _fara thie morta_ ," she nearly screamed, C-Sec professionalism be damned. She was letting out a string of asari curses that Kaidan's omni-translator couldn't keep up with and he was sure, from the reactions of several stunned asari around them, he didn't really want to know. One of those asari's eyes widened in stunned shock and she fainted dramatically to the floor. _Yeah, I really don't think I want to know what she's saying to me_.

As Masyra began to advance threateningly up to Kaidan, Mark cleared his throat loudly and pulled Kaidan up and away from the rampaging, blue woman. "I, ah, thank you so much for... being more personal with us, officer, but I really don't want to be keeping you from your... work? Anyway, it was a pleasure, truly, but we have a lunch appointment that we really must keep. If you'll excuse us?" All this was said in a rush and was flung at the still cursing asari like rocks into a flood as Mark backpedalled with Kaidan in tow, trying to create some distance between themselves and the blue woman who was very literally cursing a blue streak.


	2. Convergence

Kaidan sighed and stretched, trying to stiffle a yawn with one hand while the other was raised above his head trying to stretch out the sore muscles in his back. He normally enjoyed paperwork, loved the way he could detail everything and send it off neat and crisp, ready to be read and processed by the higher ups. It spoke volumes to him about control and order, the way he could tease little bits of information and lay it straight and true. But he hated paperwork that had to be done on cases that seemed to go nowhere, that he had to strain himself to complete.

It had been three months, well three months according to the calender on his omni-tool anyway, since the incident with the 'scary, short blue woman' as Mark had put it and made Kaidan grin everytime he imgained Mark's expression when he said it. Hell of a fact finding mission that was.

After being effectively cock-blocked by Masyra they'd made their way up to one of the higher levels on Zakera Ward and had spent their time in a little out of the way cafe that had an acceptable steak sandwich and was hopefully out of the way of Masyra's patrol routes as well. Kaidan sincerely doubted that the woman would try to break in on their luncheon by claiming her patrol went through the cafe's kitchen, but he didn't want to take any risks and after they'd paid the bill, they went for a short walk up around the Presidium Gardens. It made Kaidan a little uncomfortable, since the only time he'd been there alone with someone else had been with Shepard, but Mark was excellent at distracting him from his dark musings.

He was excellent at alot of other things as well, truth be told. They'd parted ways after that, Mark telling him that he had to ship off to some colony in the Terminus System for a few weeks for data-mining on some medical breakthrough, and that he'd promise to send messages to Kaidan every time he could. It was saying something that Kaidan's first few weeks revolved around his anticipation at hearing his omni-tool chirp at him and he wondered, for the hundreth time, if he was being silly for considering a custom tool-tone just for Mark's messages.

Things had gone back to normal after that, as normal as his life was before he'd met Mark, and he'd been gratified and embarassed to learn that Masyra had been reprimanded for her 'unprofessional and unsolicited harassment' against them and was serving extra patrol duties, something that Traatos was especially impressed with. He'd tried to get her to teach him some of the swearing she'd used and she had given him a dark patch on his face instead. Traatos shut up after that and Kaidan wondered how lucky he'd been to escape with a tongue-lashing instead of a black eye. Even Kradack watched Masyra warily as she stalked around the bunk those first few nights cursing at the walls and Harvey looked like he was really to keel over everytime she looked in his direction.

Kaidan had been slightly afraid, he had to admit, when she approached him that second night and sat next to him, face blank as she stonily apologized to him for what she'd done and hoped that they could leave it behind them. He had wanted very badly to record a video of her apologizing, it was like a rare and foreign creature had curled up next to him, but decided that it wasn't worth the beating he'd get from her if he tried. And he hadn't truly felt anything malign towards her for the little stunt that she had pulled, he knew it was the way she ham-handedly cared for the people she was close to, but forced himself to sit there was the most plastered-sincere look he could muster as he nodded through and waved off her apology.

Anderson had contacted him shortly after, telling him that there were no new leads on the colony abduction case that he was assigned to. It had frustrated Kaidan, who had hoped that they had at least managed to sift out something useful from all the dross that they'd harvested in the last site, but there was nothing. Just some residue that had no link to anything in C-Sec archives or any other bastion of knowledge that they could access. Since he was on a temporary hiatus, Anderson had assigned him to an investigative arm of C-Sec and left Kaidan shifting through dead-end information at an alarmingly slow rate while they waited for any news about future colony abductions. It wasn't something Kaidan was proud of, waiting for the killer to strike before they could act, but with the little they had, it was the only plan of action that they could come up with.

He'd spent the next several weeks in the archives, accessing the archives, searching for clues about the information Anderson wanted, something about Cerberus and why they were moving vast amounts of resources through multiple sectors that seemed to disappear into thin air. There were shipments of bio-enhanced genetic weave material, titanium alloy of a sort he'd never seen before and credit sums that would have been enough to purchase another Citadel at the very least. It must have been something huge, perhaps Cerberus was building an army that the Alliance was worried about and wondered again if there was some connection to the colony abduction cases.

He had sent his initial findings to Anderson, who had reported it to Udina, and Kaidan had received a short, clipped approval of his work.

_Good job, Alenko. Keep at it. If you need any more resources, contact me and I'll see what avenues we can open up for you. Anderson._

Kaidan had to admit, he wasn't particularly ecstatic at having even _more_ information to shift through, but he was Alliance and he did as he was told. So he went through manifests, documentation and personal entries until his head swam with information. Some experimental drug that was used in trial runs to awaken latent conciousness in the human brain, amp interfacing and template delivery, massive amounts of grafting equipments, DNA re-molecularization catalysts and credits. Always more credits than he could fathom.

True to his word, Mark had arrived back at the Citadel after four weeks in the Terminus and Kaidan still felt embarassed at the way he had leapt from his bunk bed, almost leaving C-Sec dressed in nothing but his physical exercise training shorts. That would have been a sight to behold, especially coupled with the furious way he had carved a path to the docks. He felt like a lonely housewife eagerly jumping up and down trying to catch a glimpse of a returning lover, and though he felt a little guilty at the way his heart had begun to shift its priorities, he had to admit that the feeling was dwindling each day.

He still had the dreams, the nightmares that shook him awake, but they were buffetted by Mark's presence, the joy he felt at thinking of him and comforting stableness that accomapnied such thoughts. Soon his dreams and nightmares trended away from the morbid and, more often than not, Kaidan would find himself imagining scenarios with Mark.

When Kaidan saw him emerge from the docking portal, he couldn't help himself and smiled at the tired eyes that were searching the area. Searching for him, he knew. When they lit upon him, he was instantly gratified with the warm heat that coursed its way through his system. Mark looked tired and haggard, he'd lost a bit of weight as well from what Kaidan remembered, but he looked wonderful. Not perfect, the way he always considered Shepard, but definitely something that appealed strongly to Kaidan. He had helped Mark carry his bags, despite the man's protestations that he wasn't _that_ tired, and they chatted amicably about what Mark had spent the last four weeks doing, about the work that Kaidan was doing, though he had to skirt around the subjects that were classified, such as Cerberus and the information that the Alliance had set him to gathering. They'd made it all the way to Mark's apartment in the Silversun Strip part of the Citadel without encountering Masyra, a clear win, and Kaidan was stunned at the quality of, well... _everything_. Well he was a doctor so Kaidan wasn't really surprised to find that he would have used some of his earnings to purchase a small unit in the Citadel's most prestigious residential district.

He left Mark to recuperate in his apartment and fairly skipped back to his bunk at the thought of the other man being here on the Citadel with him, if only for just one week. Mark had another colony that he had to go to, doctors were few and far between out at the edges of galactic civilization, to set up a small clinic and facilitate the transfer of medical staff while they established a more permanent medical centre. So, they had a week together, and it was then that Kaidan had come up with another reason to hate his work and the paperwork that he had to file on a daily basis.

Thankfully, Mark was nothing if not relentless. He'd come to see Kaidan every night after his shift was done, had even brought him a steak sandwich and a beer that almost had Kaidan pouncing on the man, propriety be damned. Perhaps there were aphrodisiacs in the food, no that wasn't right, the feeling had emerged before he'd taken a bite. It was something that he'd have to consider more closely. At least, that's what he told himself. Repeatedly.

They still hadn't decided what to call their meetings, Mark was adamant at saying that they weren't on a date yet and Kaidan knew that he should have felt the same way, knew that the old Kaidan would have agreed on getting to know someone on a more deeper and intrinsic level before jumping into emotional attachments. The old Kaidan had done the same thing with John Shepard and had regretted every wasted moment after the fact, had beaten himself and hated himself more than anyone else in the known galaxy. Something that Ashley had told him before tickled at the back of his mind.

 _They don't call it falling in love for nothing. It's an accidental and sudden reaction followed by a disorientating twist and an accelerated drop. It's not kneeling slowly into love or gently lowering yourself onto the rocyk ground of love. You fall. And you hit hard enough to see stars_.

So perhaps Kaidan had a reason for his impatience, something that he hadn't felt comfortable telling Mark just yet. He didn't want to pressure the other man into a commitment when _he_ wasn't ready while Kaidan was fantasizing about their hot, sweating bodies entwined whenever he had the privacy to pleasure himself. Yes, he definately didn't want to tell Mark anything of the sort. Just yet.

The following two days off when Mark was still on the Citadel had been one of the best he'd had in a long time. Nothing complicated or grand or overly, stickly romantic. Simple. Kaidan adored simple. Dinner, walking, talking and exploring the Wards and Presidium together like they were two souls bound into one body. They were still fact finding, still hadn't considered that a date but it was close. It was them.

All too soon, after two nights of corny movies like I Am Asari and The Chronicles of Hanarnia (Kaidan wondered where the hell that title came from) and sweet cuddlings and chaste kisses, Mark was off to some unnamed little colony in the middle of nowhere. Kaidan had almost wanted to drop everything and join him, maybe as a protective detail if he could have argued his way into it, but knew that he'd be flirting with Alliance regs about abandoning post and duty. It frustrated him to no end and as usual, he took out his frustration on his body, hitting the exercise hall almost twice a day, until he barely had the strength the crawl into his bunk and become a vegetable on the hard mattress until his day started again.

More information, more shifting through data and all that he had managed to compile were being turned into neat and tidy rows that were sent to Anderson for his perusal. There were also the daily messages from Mark, the highlights to Kaidan's day, and how he had lamented the lack of resources that the colony had provided for them. Kaidan felt especially moved to help him, especially seeing the huge array of resources that Cerberus was selfishly hoarding for whatever reasons, and managed to get some contacts from Anderson about organizations that were willing to accomodate the needs of a growing colony. It felt like it was the best thing he'd done so far since he'd gotten to C-Sec.

Then Anderson called him up and he'd had a briefing with the Admiral and Udina. Another colony abduction. Hit, snatch and grab. No survivors and no clue that they could found yet. Kaidan was barely paying attention to the briefing, feeling fear and dread claw their way up his back and he had kept repeating to himself, _not Mark, not Mark_. When the briefing had been over he had clumsily saluted his superiors before he stumbled out of Udina's office, desperately drawing up his omni-tool interface as he punched in a message to Mark away on some desolate, isolated colony.

There was no reply for hours. Kaidan was beside himself and had gone to lie in his bunk, staring sightlessly up at the wall, knowing full well he was _definitely_ not in the right frame of mind to sift through meaningless data.

The chirp on his omni-tool pulled him up and he hastily dragged his hand across the activation, scoring deep furrows along his arm that he mostly ignored.

_Hey, Kaidan. I'm fine. Everything's fine. Is something wrong?_

Kaidan almost wept with relief and shaky hands replied in the negative, nothing was wrong, he was just glad to hear from him, that's all, he'd talk to him later. After deactivating his omni-tool, he rushed over to the communal bathroom just in time to sick up all over the sink and spent the better part of an hour huddled there, shaking like he had a fever, gathered himself enough to clean the mess he had made and crawled back to the bunk to dress the scratches on his arm. He then fell into an emotionally exhausted sleep.

He had awoken the next day, feeling slightly ashamed of what had happened and made sure not to disturb the sleeping forms of Harvey and Kardack as he collected the personal items he needed before he shipped off to investigate the missing colonists. It was difficult, all those memories of the last colony drop he had done and the empty hollowness of Eden Prime trailed through him, but he'd gotten the job done. Again, there was nothing. No video footage, no information and nothing but the same foreign gunk that had been found at the colony that he'd been sent to investigate. Not DNA or any other genetic traces found in that sticky grunge. Another dead end. He'd been at the colony for a week before they had wrapped up their mission and the crew was unusually silent and heavy at their failed attempts to wrest any information out of the site.

He'd made it back to the Citadel in record time, sent a more detailed report of the incident to Anderson and learned that he'd missed Mark coming back to the Citadel on another short break. Just what he had needed. He sometimes wondered if there was some entity that was watching his life play out, like Ash had believed in, and was rolling around, dying of laughter at the emotional ineptitude that had become his life. So, he went back to routine. Skimming through data logs, contacting Mark and trying to find out if Cerberus was trying to purchase an entire solar system with the overwhelming amounts of resources they were juggling around.

Finally, after three months of haltingly difficult progress in both his career and his love life, he'd gotten to know that Mark would be back at the Citadel for an extended period of time, no future colony postings that he was aware of. Kaidan didn't, couldn't, wait any longer and hoped the other man forgave him for bringing up the subject but he wanted sometime more concrete and real to look forward to in his life. He wanted to go on that 'first date' that he'd been promised, though he wondered if he should feel guilty about the recent colony attacks prompting him to take such hurried steps forward. So here he was, sitting in a boring, little room as he finished the last set of reports to Anderson and Udina before his own extended leave of absence. He'd planned it out and had sought permission from both C-Sec and Anderson and was hoping to at least have a week or two with the person he was trying so hard to figure out and be a part of. He briefly concluded his findings, skimmed through the key points once more and stifled another yawn as he sent off the files to Anderson.

Tomorrow. Mark would be back tomorrow. Kaidan could hardly keep his anticipation in check. Maybe they could retreat to a quiet part of the Citadel, away from all the duties and protocols and away from one annoyingly persistent blue asari. Yes, he was still quite traumatized over the whole incident even though she had promised it wouldn't happen again. Not that Kaidan didn't trust her, he was just... wary. Battlefield wariness kept soldiers alive. That and the fact that Masyra had seemed to take it as her personal mission to get the two humans together in as dramatic a fashion as she could, though even considering that caused him to shudder slightly. He'd plan a romantic dinner, spend time together at one the better restaurants that the Citadel had to offer, somewhere along the Strip would be nice, and maybe ask Mark out for a drink. Something, somewhere, for both of them to unwind and just bask in each other's comforting presence. He'd have to get some research done around that part of the Citadel and see if there was something he could arrange for the two of them.

And with that thought, Kaidan Alenko closed his eyes and rested his head against the desk he was working at and promptly fell into a deep and blissful sleep.


	3. Twinkling Mischief

His omni-tool continued to chirp. Kaidan was getting really sick of that thing always waking him up when all he wanted to do was get more sleep-

 _Shit_. He jerked away from the table like it was on fire and stared wildly around the enclosed space that he was in. The administrative office room, one of hundreds that were run by C-Sec, was all that he saw and he really wished that he'd asked Masyra for some very harsh curses that he wished he could have flung around the area.

His omni-tool happily chirpped at him again and he realized that it wasn't the alarm that he'd maintained on a daily basis. Oh no, it was something much more worse. _Shit, shit, shit_.

It was Mark. He hastily tried to arrange his hair into some semblance of order, though without a mirror he knew that it might have been a long shot at best. He glanced down and hoped that his uniform wasn't askew and cleared his throat a few times before he accepted the vid-call that was waiting for him.

"Well hello there, Mister- Whoa. You... um.. you look... nice?" Mark's expression was one of shifting disbelief and amusement and Kaidan felt like burying through the Citadel and out the other side into deep space.

"I uh, I was just... catching up on some work and, you know it can really get stuffy in these offices and the warmth is just muggy, like a blanket, so I..." Kaidan rambled. He knew he was rambling but he couldn't stop, just like he couldn't stop the stain that was spreading across his neck and face at the thought of Mark catching him just after he'd woken up.

Mark's rich laughter filled the air of the enclosed office and Kaidan took the opportunity to catch his breath. He was breathing, _hard_. Had he really just spewed all those words out without a single pause? Well, it couldn't have been nervousness and embarassment. Sentinels didn't get nervous or embarassed, surely.

"Kaidan I," Mark had to gulp air in between laughing, "I'm sorry. I didn't really mean to laugh but... your _hair_ , it really is a sight to behold. And you look really adorable with that line of drool crust just off the side of your mouth." Mark had to put a fist into his mouth to stop what felt like a giggle about to emerge.

"I.. My hair?... _Drool_?!" Kaidan didn't think he could get any redder. If he did, he was sure a hanar would have mistaken him for a four-limbed jellyfish of some sort. With one hand still maintain the connection with Mark, Kaidan tried to slick his hair back and up in it's normal position but could feel the strands shift against the direction that he wanted them to go. They kept twisting in directions and he must have looked like a hedgehog had started a family in his fringe. Heaving a frustrated grunt, he turned away as he raggedly wiped his mouth, his cheeks, where ever he thought it was the drool had been. He could still hear Mark's attempts and trying to hide his laughter and Kaidan wanted to tell him that he had failed miserably.

"I, um, I fell asleep in the office alright?" Kaidan added defensively, trying his best not to feel embarassed, "I was sleepy and I was waiting for you to... Wait. What time is it? Why are you, uh, back so early?" A growing pit was opening up in Kaidan's stomach and he was dreading the answer.

"Really Kaidan, it's fine. Nothing I haven't seen before. Technically I'm not early, there were some problems at the docking bay and I actually arrived back just this morning. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it was 1100 hours? Citadel time?"

Kaidan blanched at the numbers that Mark had thrown at him. _Eleven hundred hours?_ That wasn't good at all. He was planning to meet Mark at the docks at 0900 hours. The pit suddenly yawned wide and felt his self-esteem hit an all new low as it was swallowed by the gaping hole inside.

"So, um... You've been on the Citadel for two hours?" Kaidan hoped that his brain would warm up faster than that and stop asking questions with such obvious answers. He wanted to kick himself. Literally.

"Yup, I've just reached my apartment and put my things away. When I didn't see you at the docks I guessed that you were busy. Or maybe asleep. I know that you've been really busy with C-Sec work so I didn't want to bother you in any case."

Kaidan groaned and tried not to scrub his hand over his face. "Mark, I- I'm... sorry. I wanted to come down and get you but I, uh, well... I may have... overslept."

Mark's eyes shone with understanding and he quirked his lip up in a grin. "Hey, Kaidan. Relax. Don't worry about it. Actually, it was kind of worth it to see you like this, anyway. It's a good look for you Staff Commander."

Kaidan huffed a breath. He wasn't used to being this off balance. Perhaps now was a good time to change the subject, though in hindsight it would have been _much_ better if they had skipped this entirely. "Look, let me clean up and meet you at the apartment. I'll see you there in... an hour? I've got some... things that I need to get done before I relax a little."

"Sure Kaidan, there's no rush. Comm me when you're here. I have to admit, I'm a little excited about spending a week with you."

Kaidan couldn't help but grin at that statement, he was having similar sentiments after all. "A little excited, Mark? I'm hurt. Let's just see how excited I _can_ get you to be."

*

Kaidan had hurriedly made his way over to his bunk and was throwing his meager possessions of clothing into a worn Alliance-issue rucksack when Masyra and Traatos walked in on him. Masyra had stared at him, a slight smirk etched on her face, and he knew without a doubt that she had realized his intentions and the reason he was setting clothes aside. To his everlasting relief, she had withheld making a single sound while he was rummaging through his locker and dumping clothes and essential products into the ratty bag. That smile, though, was plastered on her face and she didn't move her gaze away from him during the entire time and it made him clench his teeth. He prayed that he wouldn't run into her on the Silversun Strip.

During his run from the offices, he had tried to contact a reputable restaurant, looking for a vacancy for two, but to no avail. He tried again with another restaurant lower down on the list, with similar results. He was beginning to grow desperate as he scrolled through a dismayingly short list of recommended eateries and contemplated just staying in. He squished the idea with brutality; he didn't mind cooking and eating in but he wanted something a little more... special for tonight, the night when he'd ask Mark out officially.

The thought sent warm carresses through him and his steps quickened toward the Citadel Rapid Transport system located in front of C-Sec HQ. He'd worn the neatest shirt he could find, wash and shaved and worn his most flattering pair of jeans. The ones that Mark had first seen him in that first night in Dark Star. He'd left his packed bag in his locker, a pre-emptive measure of preparation just in case Mark was more than amenable to his suggestion of staying with him for the rest of the week. It was preemptive and Kaidan hoped that he wasn't thinking too far ahead, he was afraid of making pressumptions about their 'relationship', but it made him feel more at ease if he knew he could just pop into the bunk, grab his stuff and rush out before any of his other bunk mates could sit him down and interrogate him. Especially if he tromped in noisily while they were all asleep.

The ride over was quick and uneventful and Kaidan was nervously dry-washing his hands as he considered and discarded options for their date and in the end, decided to muster up some courage and see if Mark wanted a nice, romantic eat in. The vehicle stopped just outside the Silversun Rises, an apartment complex that was far enough away from all the main attractions to be afforable to most people with means but was still located within the Silversun Strip's general vicinity. Basically Mark had good taste. But Kaidan already knew that.

He hurried into the foyer and was greeted by the doorwoman, an asari with all the characteristic grace and dignity of her people and bright, distinct white facial markings.

"I'm here to see Mark Johnson, ma'am. He's expecting me," Kaidan said politely.

She shot a brief glance at her omni-tool and smiled kindly at him. "Yes Mr. Alenko, Mr. Johnson paged us ahead. He asked us to let you up as soon as you arrived," She keyed in a few clicks onto her omni-tool and waved it at the wall behind her. "There you go, the elevator has been keyed for his floor and unit. It'll drop you off as soon as you're in. Have a pleasant stay at the Silversun Rises."

Kaidan thanked her and hopped onto the elevator, feeling some of his nervousness return. That had been easier than he thought, and wondered if security was usually so lax in this part of the Citadel. The slow going lift wasn't helping him much either, in terms of his pent up energy and he felt like he was in a padded cell, with nothing to stop him from bouncing off the walls. Thankfully, just when he had decided there was enough room to pace, the was a soft metallic chime that indicated he'd reached his destination.

He almost burst out of the lift and carefully and had to steady his breathing a little before he made his way over to Mark's unit. He stood outside the door and took a fortifying breath while he composed himself. Granted this wasn't the first time he'd come up to another man's home and truth be told, he'd been doing this with alarming frequency before he'd met Mark. Maybe that was the root of the issue. He was seeing in Mark something that meant more than anything else he'd had since Shepard. He held his breath and pressed the doorbell with more force than he intended.

Nothing. He waited patiently and fidgeted a little.

He pressed the bell again.

Soft footfalls that were growing steadily louder. The click of a digital lock as it was being opened.

The door hissed opened softly and Kaidan couldn't help himself and the smile that spread across his face.

Mark stood there, wearing nothing but a pair of pyjama bottoms and a bleary, puffy look on his face. Kaidan's eyes made an approving sweet across the leaner man's muscular definition and returned back to the sleep-swollen features of the man in front of him. _God, if that's how I looked this morning then it must have really been something_.

Mark stared uncomprehendingly for a second more before he realized who was standing at his door and sending admiring glances across his face and frame. His eyes widened and he almost slammed the door before he got a hold of himself. He forced himself to stand erect and appear casual but he knew that the flush that stained his face was giving away clear indications to his feelings about the entire encounter.

"Hey," Kaidan couldn't help the grin, "you... um... you look nice?"

Mark winced at his own words being used against him and took a step back in a universal gesture of invitation. Kaidan walked in slowly, eyes still rivetted onto Mark's sleep-crusted eyes and leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. Mark felt his face catch fire and he didn't know if it was from the kiss or the fact that their roles had been reversed, Kaidan cleaned up and ready for a day in town and Mark looking like a bloated... well, a bloated person-who'd-just-woken-from-a-nap.

As Mark shut the door behind him, Kaidan made his way into the apartment, admiring the simple yet elegant decor of the living room that was on the left. Browns and biege, warm and inviting. A pseudo-leather L-shaped couch that was just big enough to sit three and a small glass and metal coffee table in the middle, stacked with data pads and papers. In the corner, facing out the window and away from the rest of the apartment was a small work table with a digital console and interface, binders full of papers and data strewn across the work surface. Bookshelves lined what empty walls there were and eye-catching yet simple paintings and photographs took up the remaining space.

Kaidan glanced at the raised steps that led to the dining area on the right and the simple psudo-wood table that was there. Big enough for six, but not monstrous in size. It rested directly next to the kitchen area which was small but cozy, simple wooden paneling that gave the area a measure of warmth. It was homey and it was comfortable, everything that Kaidan had imagined Mark was, and he was glad to see that his homey tastes reflected the personality that had captured Kaidan's attention and affections.

Kaidan had also made sure that his time spent admiring the place gave Mark enough time to recover and he turned around just in time to watch Mark the last vestiges of sleep from his face.

"So, I don't really want to be that guy, but you know what they say about karma right, Mark?"

Mark winced at the reminder. "Yeah Kaidan, I get it. So I guess it's only fair that we've both seen each other at their worst. I'm sure this was a wonderful way to start the week huh?"

Kaidan took a step forward and brushed a hand across the other man's cheek. "You know, I could think of worse ways to start the week and, uh, seeing your face after you've just woken up? Definitely _not_ one of them. In fact, I think I quite like it."

Mark laughed as he nuzzled a kiss into Kaidan's palm and looked up behind shy lashes. "Well, if that's your way of propositioning me, you'll have to try harder Mr. Alenko."

Mark pulled away and headed toward the only door in the apartment, which Kaidan guessed led into the bedroom. "Make yourself at home and try not to find anything too embarassing. I'll just get freshend up and we'll head out if that's alright with you," Mark called over his shoulder.

Kaidan immediately began to wonder what embarassing things he'd find and made a mental note to begin a thorough search as soon as he could. In the meantime, he sat himself down firmly on the couch and looked back up toward the bedroom. He could see Mark flitting around the area, arranging sheets and pulling on clothes that tantalized him with images of taut skin at the same time. Kaidan could feel his ardor rising and clamped down, hard, onto it. He knew this definitely wasn't the time or the place and had to distract himself.

"I was, uh... I was thinking it might be nice to eat in tonight Mark. I'd like to cook you something special," Kaidan called into the room absently, keeping his gaze lowered. Perhaps if he checked his omni-tool for any messages, he could focus on something other than the images of Mark taking of his pyjamas and flashing a smooth ass for him to admire. Yes, the messages were starting to sound like a _really_ good idea.

"Sounds great, but um, I already got us a table at a restaurant," Mark's muffled voiced came filtering out of the bedroom, "that new one that just opened up next to Zellini's, you know?"

"Oh. That's really great. That's actually... wonderful," Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief. He was glad that at least _someone_ was more prepared for their big night than he was.

"But if you wanted to stay in, I could maybe cancel the booking? We could eat in, though I hate to be the first to admit that I don't have much... produce at home," Mark replied, voice still soft and far away.

Kaidan had opened his interface and saw that there were two new messages since that morning. One was from Mark, which he quickly dismissed after a quick scan through. It was sent before the call that had woken him up, and he felt a little guilty at having slept through the whole thing. The other was from Anderson, recevied just after he had begun his mad dash back to his bunk. It was heavily encrypted and was only sent to him. That was odd. "I guess that settles it," Kaidan called back, "we'll eat out, you know it's really hard to get a reservation over here and, uh, is it always so crowded?"

"Well, Kaidan, the Citadel has several million inhabitants and only one Silversun Strip. I imagine it'd be pretty popular for the dinner crowd." Kaidan could _almost_ hear the snort that would have accompanied that statement. Well, he had set himself up for that he supposed.

_Alenko,_

_We've got the latest data you've sent us. Our teams have finished their analysis. They've collated all data and we've managed to trace back one of the shipments of palladium. It wasn't a large shipment and we'd have missed it, since we were looking for huge amounts of unusual materials. Maybe Cerberus thought the same thing and they were careless with covering their tracks._

_Suffice to say, we've managed to gain temporary access to the information from the shell company that they were using to transfer that particular shipment. It was intended to be closed down afterwards, and there wasn't much data left to mine. However, we did manage to pull out a name. The Lazarus Project. We still don't have any clue as to what they're doing and what the project is about. We're cross referencing with any other leads and see if the name turns up again._

_Good work Alenko. Your investigation has definately paid off. You've earned a rest. I expect you to enjoy yourself and hopefully we'll have more information about the Lazarus Project when you're back._

_-Admiral Anderson_.

Kaidan couldn't believe it. That was _all_ they managed to pull from the months of data he'd sifted through? Kaidan knew he was being irrational and tempermental though, so he stomped down on the rising frustration in him and calmed himself before replying in an affirmative manner back to the Admiral. _The Lazarus Project? Well, at least we managed to pull_ something _out of that muck_ , he thought gloomily. He was hoping for more at least, maybe perhaps a connection between Cerberus and the missing colonists. He was sure that the events were linked; he'd seen the genetic horrors that their scientists had cooked up and was eager to be out there putting them down again. It was something Shepard would have approved of, had he still been alive.

"You ready to go? Well, when I told you to make yourself at home, I didn't expect you to take it quite so literally."

Kaidan blinked. _What did he mean by- Oh._

He was reclining back against the couch, resting his head up against the junction where the couch turned ninety degrees. The rest of him was lazy draped over the length of the furniture and he had propped his feet up against the edge of the table.

He hastily dropped back and sat up stiffly, trying not to look like he'd been caught doing something wrong. He hadn't meant to offend, certainly hadn't even realized that he'd been snuggling himself comfortably against the chair and the coffee table like he had owned them. Something about the place, and especially it's owner, just made him lower all his inhibitions. But he didn't think it was the right time for him to say that.

"You- Your couch. It's really comfortable," He didn't think that was enough to get him out of dodge and he could feel a small seed of panic growing. "I was, uh, reading something from Anderson, and I didn't even realize that I was-"

Mark hardly looked offended, he just had a patient grin on his face as he walked over to Kaidan who was abashedly staring at the table and muttering apologies under his breath when he lifted a finger and placed it over Kaidan's full, soft lips. Mark brought his own up and lightly brushed them across Kaidan's tasting of hint of the man underneath. Kaidan really _was_ adorable when he stammered.

"It was a poor joke Kaidan, I know you have a strong sense of sensibility," Mark breathed huskily over Kaidan, the scent sweet and clean, "And I do have to admit, it is a very comfortable couch." Mark squeezed Kaidan's shoulder in emphasis at the statement and Kaidan could feel the blood rushing to a part of his body that certainly _wasn't_ above the waist.

"You know Mark, we could just-"

A rumbling growl sounded from somewhere below Kaidan, and for a second he wondered if there was a pet that he'd sat on and hadn't realized it either. Then a familiar ache caught up in his stomach and he could tell from the wide-eyed stare Mark was giving him and how his teeth had clamped onto his lips that he was trying to stuff the laughter that was threatening to escape those warm lips. His stomach had just grumbled. Loudly.

"I think maybe we should get some lunch first before we finish that train of thought. Growing biotics need alot of energy I'd wager, and I think we need to show you around the... neighbourhood" Mark's eyes twinkled with mischief and something a little more feral and Kaidan couldn't help but wonder if he should feel very happy or very afraid.


	4. To Place a Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to gooo... Shopping! Sorry, just re-watched White Chicks with my partner. Sorry...

Kaidan _whimpered_. He was a grown man, a soldier, who'd seen friends die and mechanical monstrosities that had torn living victims apart. He'd survived impaled bodies attacking him and genetically altered horrors that would have made any sane person into raving lunatics. And there he was, on a comfortable couch, _whimpering_.

The day was definately _not_ like anything he'd envisioned.

It had started innocuously enough, lunch at a bistro that had tried his patience as their hanar serving staff rattled on about the many delectables that 'This one would recommend' and that 'This one had seen many of the other customers enjoy.' Their meal was pleasant enough, made even more so by the company, but he was glad to finally be done with the meal and had even left a sizeable tip.

Mark had shown him around and brought him to a shopping complex. It was elegantly furnished and designed, bringing to Kaidan's mind at least the curving, graceful and imposing architechture of the Council Hall. Apparently one of the asari councilors had grown tired of political life and had used her vast reserves of credits to open up the complex. This was all that Kaidan got out of Mark's eager explanations as he was swept up in sightseeing and browsing. Enough, he thought, to last him a lifetime.

While he could appreciate the joys of stopping by boutiques and small businesses, he was overwhelmed by the sheer _number_ that Mark had brought him to and he had to admit his energy had begun to flag early on and he was literally dragging himself trying to keep up with the bright fount of energy always ahead of him.

He'd bought a few simple shirts, a pair of jeans that fit him more comfortably and a pair of casual shoes that would do for the rest of the week that he was planning with Mark. And the man was shamelessly admiring his profile whenever he tried on something new, though Kaidan hadn't brought it up and quite liked the attention. That led inexorably to a suspicious number of clothing boutiques where Mark had forced him to try on more clothing than he'd seen in his entire life, some that were utterly ridiculous and some that he made mental reminders to re-visit when he was on his own.

They had a quick stop at a cafe that was located within the complex, much to Kaidan's relief, and he fairly dropped down into the uncomfortable metal chair and let his purchases sag against the legs of the table. A quick coffee, a bite to eat, and they were up again, trailing through the electronic stores that had greatly perked Kaidan's interest. Though he was sure he couldn't afford anything from there, he had spent some time admiring the sleek new omni-tool designs and several custom holo-interfaces that were using an experimental quantum entaglement system that he couldn't wrap himself around.

By dinner, what remaining energy he'd had was completely evaporated and his legs were shaking as they made their way to the restraunt. He had stared at the menu, watching words and images swim and blur around the pages until Mark decided to order for him several recommended delicacies from across the galaxy. They were stunning, at least Kaidan thought they were, and their day had wound down sharing a simple glass of Earth wine that did nothing for his tiredness and they had discussed the prospect of the coming week. Well, Kaidan had nodded absently while Mark was going on, gesturing excitedly. He was unable to focus on the details, but he had managed to bring up the subject of spending the week in Mark's apartment.

Kaidan had wanted to head back to C-Sec HQ to pick up his duffle but Mark had refilled Kaidan's glass and he was convinced that he could borrow some of Mark's larger sized clothing for tonight and that they would go out and get new ones for the rest of the week. Though the idea should have thrilled Kaidan immensely, he was quite romantically minded and liked the idea of sharing clothing between them, he could only give Mark a grateful smile. He didn't think he would have made it to C-Sec and still walk away. Kaidan had winced and he was fairly certain that he had groaned audibly at the thought of more exploring and shopping the next day.

They had barely made it back to the apartment standing, Kaidan had contemplated heavily for leaning on Mark as they made their way to the elevator, but he had managed to dredge up enough energy to enter the house under his own power and had promptly collapsed onto the sofa.

His head had begun throbbing shortly after they had left the restaurant, the result of which had Kaidan supine with an arm over his head and eyes as he tried to shut away the harsh, glaring lights of the apartment. He hadn't brought up the subject with Mark, hadn't wanted to ruin what had been a near perfect first date with the man and through the haze of fatigue Kaidan could feel a bright glow of satisfaction settle down comfortably in his gut. Despite the tendrils of headache curling around his head, he smiled. His first date, in a long time, and with someone he was getting serious thoughts about.

Mark had cast him a pitying smile and whispered playfully in his ear that he was going to take a shower before they went to bed and Kaidan barely had the strength to nod his head in understanding. He wanted, more than anything, to join the other man, wanted to see him as he ran soapy hands over lean muscle and watch the water trickle down the curves and planes of smooth skin. He felt a tired, half-hearted twitch from the direction of his groin at the thought and cursed his lack of energy. Surely there was _something_ he could do to drag himself into the shower.

He glanced at his omni-tool and it took him several seconds to process the time that blinked at him. 2345 hours, Citadel time, and he groaned again. He'd only had a few hours of sleep the night before in a stuffy office and had been up and awake for the rest of the day. Kaidan knew he was someone who enjoyed his sleep zealously and he would need to get as much rest as he could if he were to survive the next day with Mark.

He forced himself to roll off the sofa's soft embrace and wondered if it would be a big dent to his dignity if he crawled on all fours towards the bedroom. He turned his head up and winced again as the lights stabbed into his eyes and he squinted and got to his feet, doing a fair approximation of a drunken stagger toward his goal. The bed waved warmly toward him and he staggered forward toward that siren call, the tinkling streams of the shower a perfect, soothing counterpoint as he drew nearer and nearer to that pillowed haven.

The room was mercifully dark, the only light came from the bathroom's translucent door, and he struggled the last few feet and lay at the edge of the bed, curled in a slightly fetal position. _Just a minute, I'll just rest my eyes for a minute_ , _then I'll get up,_ he thought deliriously and the last sound he heard before sleep took him was the ringing chime from his omni-tool.

*

His eyes cracked open. It was dark. Very dark. Kaidan shifted his gaze over the room and noticed that he wasn't lying at the foot of the bed anymore. He had been shifted by Mark up vertically against he right side and had the comforter wrapped warmly around him. As he shifted, he felt the smooth fabric brush against his skin and realized that he was dressed only in a pair of boxers. Well, it said something about how tired he was if he hadn't even realized that Mark had stripped him, put on a pair of shorts for him and moved him. The thought of Mark stripping him was sending heat pooling through him, one particularly hard part of him, and he turned to glanced at the steadily breathing mound that was next to him.

Kaidan felt a burst of endearment at the gesture and wanted nothing more than to turn over and hug the man as he returned to sleep.

His omni-tool blazed orange in the darkness and he bit back a curse as he shut if off. That was weird, it only ever did that if-

Quietly he moved himself from under the comforter and tried to find his way through unfamiliar surroundings. Thankfully Mark wasn't the sort to keep random pieces of bric-a-brac laying around the room so Kaidan managed to quietly exit the room without disturbing his sleeping lover. He sneaked past the door and shut it soundlessly behind him with a last glance at Mark, then quickly made his way over to the sofa before he turned up the interface.

There were _seven_ missed calls from Anderson and a message as well. Well, that definately wasn't normal, especially when the man had almost ordered him to enjoy himself and have a good time away from the troubles of the galaxy. He flicked a glance at the time display, it was 0139 Citadel Standard Time. Kaidan wasn't sure what to make of the situation. There was a definite sense of urgency, Anderson wasn't the sort of person to leave seven missed calls without reason. Maybe there had been a breakthrough in the Cerberus case, or perhaps there had been another colony abduction. That made more sense, and his felt his stomach plunge at the thought. He'd be called away from Mark and sent to some remote location to gather more meaningless data.

He prompted the message that Anderson had sent him and wasn't surprised at the high-level encryption that the other man had used. Definately urgent. He waited impatiently for the system to register him and he hastily expanded the message when it pinged acceptance.

_Alenko,_

_I've been trying to reach you. There's been a breakthrough in the Cerberus investigation. I know you've been kept in the dark as to the reasons why we needed the information you've been gathering but we've managed to hit paydirt. I need you to access a comm terminal and trigger an omegathree-level encryption firewall that'll link directly to the terminal I have with me. Link to terminal AAD85634219. I've given you clearance. This is something you're going to want to hear._

_Anderson_

Kaidan sat stunned and re-read the message for good measure. Omegathree-level encryption firewalls were the strongest that the Alliance had to work with and was rarely used for anything except cases above top-secret. Kaidan knew the basics of it, but even his techincal expertise was stumped when it came to the details of the way it functioned. It was a program that created a randomly shifting wall of nothing around any form of communication and it... evolved to tackle any forms of intrusion by inserting and removing random bits of code that prevented any form of hacking from taking root. Unfortunately, it required massive amounts of power and needed a console that was linked to a processor that could handle the trillions of shifting data that it used to shield communications.

Thankfully, most Citadel terminals had access to C-Sec's mountainous mainframe and could be jury-rigged to tap in to the system without any permanent trace. It required a high level clearance to activate and could be disabled remotely and C-Sec often used it to located and identify individual terminals throughout the structure. Alliance operatives above a certain clearance carried the base program with them in their omni-tools and could remotely transfer it into a console for activation and use. They couldn't trigger it from their personal tools however, since they lacked the processing power to run the program.

_This is something you're going to want to hear._

Kaidan breathed a sigh before he turned his attention over to Mark's work terminal, he supposed that was the closest thing that he'd have access to on such short notice and glared accusingly at his omni-tool for thrusting even more responsibility on him. He was on a break god dammit! Still his innate curiosity was severly peaked and he wondered if the information had any connection to him at all.

He trudged over relutctantly to the work table and pulled away the chair before thumping down heavily in it. If this were something big, he'd have to cancel his plans with Mark and make his way back to C-Sec. As the console interface popped up, he was greeted by a lock-vid and he winced slightly at the thought of attempting a bypass on Mark's personal terminal. With a forlorn sigh, he hoped his lover would understand, he accessed hacked the system and set his omni-tool to bypass the system. His thoughts leapt from different scenarios as the minutes ticked by and he tried to imagine what it was that Anderson wanted so badly to tell him.

He was in. He keyed in the data transfer and activated the installation before clearing his identity through the system. The terminal brightened slightly as it drew in more power to process the program and Kaidan hoped that he didn't fry anything during his call with the Admiral. He keyed the call to his earpiece and waited impatiently for it to go through.

"Alenko, you got my message?"

"Ah, sir, I was asleep and missed your call. Didn't think you'd be up, sir."

"Well, I am," _obviously,_ Kaidan thought sourly, "I apologise for contacting you like this while you were on a break." _Well, at least the man apologized_.

"I, uh, You wanted to speak to me, sir? About Cerberus?" Kaidan prompted, glancing back to make sure he wasn't waking Mark with the call. The door was still shut and Kaidan turned back to the interface, eyes unfocused as he watched the program run through the holo in front of him.

"Yes. I mentioned the Lazarus Project to you before Alenko. We've had opeartives shifting through the data that you've gathered and we've managed to come up with something more. The Lazarus Project is under the Illusive Man's direct surpervision. I don't need to go into the details about how we got there, but what I _do_ want you to know is that they are doing some cutting-edge biological experimentation."

"Bio-," Kaidan swallowed, "Biological experimentation, sir? That sounds like Cereberus' typical MO."

"I know what you're thinking Alenko, but this isn't like anything we've ever seen before. The resources? The scientific minds? This isn't some doomsday weapon or a biological freak show army. I don't know how to tell you this Alenko but we've managed to trace a contact of the Illusive Man's that initiated the project in the first place. It's Doctor T'Soni."

Kaidan was stunned at the revelation. "L- Liara, sir? She's working with Cerberus?" The thought sent a sick wave of dread coursing through him and he wondered if he could handle anymore ghosts from the past coming back to haunt him.

"I don't know, but there's more. We've been trying to get a hold of T'Soni since we found out, but she's dropped off the grid. All we know is she was last seen on Illium. There's one other thing, the main reason I wanted to talk to you. We've managed to trace back records of a transfer to the Illusive Man almost two years ago and we suspect that it may be the reason for the project's emergence in the first place," Anderson paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "Alenko, we believe that the Lazarus Project's main objective is to-"

"Admiral? Sir?" _What the hell is going on_ , Kaidan wondered and suddenly all thoughts were routed from his head as he felt a cold, metalic object press itself against the back of his head.

"I think that's far enough Kaidan. I'm sorry, I really am, but I really don't think that Cerberus or the Illusive Man would want you stumbling upon anything sensitive, you know?" Mark's voice called from directly behind him.


	5. The Remnant Shards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm sure the last chapter was a doozy. I'm sorry. It's just really hard to write and I hope that it came across alright! Nevermind, ignore my ranting. And spelling mistakes. And lexical... crap. Enjoy! It's 3am and I am very, very tired...

Anderson paced furiously as his thoughts churned. _Dammit to hell, what just happened? Their call should have been secure, there was no way anyone would have been able to bypass the system unless..._

Unless someone had cut off the connection on Alenko's side.

That was the only explanation. Someone with Cerberus' interests at heart had managed to get to man before Anderson could finish everything he had wanted to tell him.

He hurriedly placed a call through to C-Sec and hoped to God that he wasn't too late.

*

Masyra hated the late shift. Nothing exciting ever happened during the quiet hours on the Citadel when more than half the populace were safely asleep in their beds. And to top it all off she was stuck doing detail with Harvey, the nervous little rodent who flinched every time she looked at him. She was glad that it was quiet at least, it seemed the human didn't even know how to hold his rifle up properly and he'd be even less than useless in a fight, if there was one.

Though maybe he'd have the good grace to shield her from some shots if it ever came to that, she thought wickedly.

She rounded a corner as gracefully as her size would allow, which felt more like a stomping march, and gave the area a quick survey before letting her thoughts wander. The little mouse was still behind her but she ignored him.

It was wonderful seeing Kaidan open up the way he had been the last few months. It was like getting to know a whole new side to the man. She'd read his files and still winced at the information that was gathered on the man. The failed psych tests and the close monitoring that showed her what he'd been doing to himself after the Normandy had disintegrated.

It made her heart swell with pride at the thought of him growing as a person and coming into his own, stepping away from the dark heart that had been a part of him since she'd gotten to know him. And, as a fellow biotic, she had to admire the way he coped with his L2 limitations. He was fascinatingly powerful, his biotic spikes on par with that of some asari adepts she had known during her years of training. Of course, he could never compete with the best of asari military society but she had to admit that she was a little jealous that his own biotic potential surpassed her own.

A chirping alerted her to an incoming call. She glanced at the omni-tool on her arm and saw that it was an unknown ID trying to reach her. Dammit, she wasn't on call duty and they still sent crap like that over to her. Someone, somewhere would regret sending her civilian distress calls while she was on active patrol. She swept the room once more to make sure that nothing was amiss before connecting the call, standing by with a trace program and emergency backup call beacon to C-Sec in the process.

"This is Investigator Masyra, how may I help-"

"Investigator, this is Admiral Anderson."

"Sir!" she snapped crisply. _The human Admiral? Contacting her directly?_

"We have a situation. Alenko and I were speaking about classified information on a secure channel when the line went dead. I think that he may be in trouble. You're the only one I could think of to call that would investigate the situation, no questions asked. I need you to trace his location and extract him. He may have information vital to the security of the Citadel."

"I- but sir, I'm..." she paused. Masyra knew she couldn't just leave Kaidan alone like that, nothing after everything he'd already been through. If C-Sec decided to bring her up on charges for abandoning her duties, then... well, she'd answer for it when the time came. "Yes, sir. You can count on me sir."

"Thank you Investigator. In the mean time, I'll get C-Sec off their asses and send some backup to your location. Keep me appraised of the situation."

"Yes, sir. That might take some time sir, C-Sec can be a little... stubborn."

The call went dead and Masyra linked her omni-tool to Kaidan's. It was a routine protocol that everyone in the bunk had done on their first day, it made it much easier for other squad members to trace one another and back them up if they needed it. Masyra was grateful for the procedure in this case, and it had been particularly useful in searching for Kaidan all those months ago at the sushi bar.

The holo-interface pinged. Silversun Strip, Silversun Rises Apartment. Unit 24-817. She commed the location to the Admiral and turned to look at the timid creature behind her. Harvey flinched and his eyes grew wide, he immediately turned his gaze down and shifted his feet, even though he was much taller than herself. Masyra had to suppress a sigh. He was young, very young and inexperienced with combat. She would have preferred Turanas with her or even Traatos but she had to make do with what she had.

"Harvey, we've got an emergency situation over at the Silversun Strip. I need you to follow my lead and stay behind me alright? Don't let your guard down and just make sure you do what I tell you to."

The prospect of potential violence made the younger man's face even more hilarious to Masyra, and she wondered if his eyes really could grow any bigger than that.

"I... Yes... ma'am" he finished in a quiet whisper and she nodded once.

Masyra turned at took off toward the nearest Rapid Trasnport, running as fast as her stocky legs could allow. She wasn't tall and she wasn't graceful, but when it came down to it, Masyra knew that she could outrace a charging Krogan and the muscles in her legs felt like coiled springs as she sped through the Citadel corridors and prayed that Kaidan was still holding on.

*

Kaidan felt his hold on reality slipping. He turned around ever so slowly and felt the metal circle shift its way across the side of his temple and rest against his furrowed forehead.

Mark was standing before him, dress in a hastily pulled on white shirt and a pair of long pants. What caught his attention the most though, was the small and obvious shape of the M-3 Predator pistol that the other man had trained on him. He turned his gaze up to look at Mark's face and it was as if he were looking at a stranger, not someone he'd been getting involved with over the last few months. It was the same eyes that had watching him this afternoon, the same mouth he'd kissed when they got back at the end of the day. But they looked cold, mechanical. Like the face of a machine.

Kaidan's limbs had frozen and his heart was trying to thump it's way out of his chest and the surreal adrenaline and numbing fear he was feeling simultaneously left him poleaxed. He tried to raise his hand, tried to raise a barrier of some sort, but Mark must have noticed the slight twitch and pushed the pistol up further into Kaidan's head.

"No. Please don't do that. I know what you're trying to do and I really don't want to shoot you Kaidan." The words he heard sounded so foreign, coming from those lips and hearing his name come from that mout,h in _that_ way, shattered the rest of his control.

"Why- Why are you doing this? Mark? What have you done with Mark?" It had to be the only reason, the only way that meant that Mark was still his. This was an imposter, someone who had inflitrated Mark's apartment to get to him.

"I am Mark. The man you kissed, the man you shared a romantic dinner with just hours ago. I can recite to you everything that you ate for dinner if that'll convince you Kaidan."

Kaidan's throat swallowed convulsively as he felt his last hope die within him. This _was_ the man that he'd been about to fall in love with, this was the man that he was planning to shape a future with. How could he have been so blind and so stupid?

"I... So. Now what, you're going to kill me? Is that it?" Kaidan rasped and he couldn't keep the burning sear from his words and the pain it caused him.

"Well, that's up to you Kaidan. I'd much prefer it if I didn't have to-"

" _Why?!_ " Kaidan shouted, heedless of the pistol pressed against him. "Why the hell do you care? Why don't you just complete your _fucking_ job, you know I really would have thought that Cerberus would train their-"

"Because," Mark whispered, "Because, I... I really need you to turn around slowly, with your hands behind your back. Don't do anything stupid. I need you to turn around and do what I say. Then I can give you some of the answers that you want."

Kaidan almost told him to go to hell, almost tried to trigger his barrier and take the risk of being shot, but he needed answers. He _needed_ to know.

His eyes burned with hatred and hurt as he carefully turned on the spot and presented his hands behind him, felt the cold click of restraints as they wrapped themselves around his wrists. He felt the pistol withdraw and he turned back to face the man, the _thing_ , that had wormed his way into Kaidan's empty heart and had pulled it out mercilessly.

Mark withdrew several steps, the Predator still in his grip as he waved absently to the couch and indicated that Kaidan should take a seat. Kaidan was glad that he was allowed that much, his knees had been trembling from the emotional flood that raged within him and he didn't know if he could have remained standing much longer through the clashing hypocrisies in him.

Mark paced in short bursts around the room as Kaidan's eyes tried to glare their way through the other man, and Mark occasionally glanced up at the fuming biotic on his sofa.

"I... I'm a scientist working with Cerberus Kaidan. I'm one of the many individuals who are working on the Lazarus Project. I'm also a... sleeper agent of sorts, here on the Citadel and I use my position here to gain access to information that could potentially help us progress in our goals."

Kaidan remained silent as he sat on the couch, breaking, breaking, feeling him lose parts of himself he thought he'd never get back. And he probably would never again. Mark took the silence as an understanding of his words and continued.

"The Illusive Man, he's persistent and ruthless. There was no expense spared at making sure we managed to meet the objectives of the project and he scoured the galaxy for anything that we needed to make it work. Experimental technology, biotic enhancements, cutting-edge, revolutionary methods of medical breakthroughs? Done. But there were walls, walls we couldn't breach and were too high for us to scale on our own. The Illusive Man's anger is... well, it's not really something that I would want you to experience."

"What... What is the purpose of the Lazarus Project?" Kaidan stumbled, a small part of him trying desperately to gather as much information as he could while the rest of him whirled in temporary delirium.

Mark ignored him as he continued to pace. "One of the top researchers... vanished. One morning, he was simply gone, and he was replaced by someone else. She was a cold and calculating woman, but she seemed to know how everything worked. We began to advance again, and I marveled at what she managed to accomplish in the short period of time she was with us. I felt like we had a chance to succeed, to finally reach our goal. I would even go so far as to say that she was responsible for surrmounting the last obstacles in our way."

"What is the Lazarus Project? What the hell are you all trying to do?" Kaidan repeated, letting some of the hurt and rage bleed through.

"It was crazy, it was a miracle. We had managed to reach the final phase of the project but there was still one more minor issue. We were worried that there would be some neurological damage remaining despite our best efforts and there were some... unusual brain activity when we introduced foreign stimuli. So we had decided to test it. See if we could use association to make him recall his past, everything that he was. They wanted everything the way it was."

Kaidan growled deep in his throat, a frenzied sound. "God dammit, tell me what the hell the Lazarus Project was made to accomplish!" he shouted at the other man, almost leaping up from his seat. He refused to use the name Mark, refused to let the other man back into his thoughts and acknowledge the betrayal that had shredded the careful remnants of his self.

Mark blinked and paused in his monologue, turning his unreadable look back at Kaidan. He sighed before he continued. "The Lazarus Project was an initiative, by the Illusive Man, to bring Commander John Shepard back from the dead." Mark said, slowly and carefully, like he was speaking to a child.

Kaidan couldn't breathe. His lungs were seizing and he knew he was going into shock, knew that his vision was beginning to narrow because his heart was beating so _damned_ fast. He just couldn't get a break. Mark, the betrayal, Shepard, his bruised and battered heart was being broken and reforged too quickly for him to contemplate. He wanted to laugh, to cry, to spit at the other man and call him out on the absurdity of his statement. But deep down, in the quietest and most private recesses of himself, he knew that the person in front of him wasn't lying at all.

A surging tide of pain struck him in the temple and he could feel the migraine as it hammered against him. He was being overloaded with chemical signals and his brain was triggering around the amp that was imbedded in his skull and combined with the system shock he was experiencing, he knew he was going to pass out soon.

A sharp prick, almost unfelt through the kaleidoscope of feeling, intruded as he felt something slim and cold remove itself from his arm and he gasped a grateful breath as his airways cleared and he sent a teary gaze over to Mark who was knelt before him and was putting away a small syringe back into a thin, metal casing.

He felt revulsion at the sight, and wanted nothing more than to move as far away from the man as possible, didn't want those warm, supple fingers touching him like that _ever_ again. The headache still throbbed uncontrollably against the inside of his head but the shock had worn off with... whatever it was that the doctor had injected into him and hoped that it wasn't a Cerberus cocktail that would cause him to mutate into some ashen monstrosity.

"You were about to pass out, Kaidan. I... gave you something to make sure you remain lucid through the rest of our conversation," Mark whispered gently.

Kaidan recoiled like he'd been slapped and the jerk blinded him as it made the throbbing that much worse. He took a deep breath before he spat out, "God _damn_ you. You don't get to say my name. Don't you ever say my name like that, ever."

A hurt looked flashed in Marks eyes before it was covered under a professional veil once more and he nodded shallowly before standing up and withdrawing from the shaking man on the couch. He walked over to the dining table and sat down, facing the man opposite from him as he gave him time to compose his thoughts.

Minutes passed before Kaidan had managed to regain some small measure of self-control and he drew in several shuddering breaths as his tired, battered mind tried to process the influx of information he'd just received over the last half hour. Mark, the man he thought he was falling for, turned out to be a Cerberus agent who had held him up at gun point and turned his world over had flipped everything back and told him they were trying to bring back Shepard, who Kaidan was just starting to mourn and move away from. He stiffled an irrational urge to laugh manically at the thought and wondered if he was becoming slightly unhinged from all that was happening.

Deep breaths, the pain in his head made it hard to think. There was something else, he wanted to ask thought, something that made him feel vulnerable and pathetic, and he didn't want to give Mark even a scrap of vulnerability. But he had to know...

"Ah, why- why me? Why were you sent here to kill me?"

An unreadable expression crossed Mark's face as he stared at Kaidan, and Kaidan could see him swallow, once, twice before he opened his mouth to speak. "I wasn't sent here to kill you Kai- Alenko. In fact, I was here to... enlist your aid."

Kaidan's expression shifted between stunned disbelief and hatred. "Never! I'll never work for Cerberus, not after everything they've done. After everything _you've_ done."

Mark sighed as he ran his hair through the short cropped hair that would always remind Kaidan of Shepard. He looked back up with unfathomable eyes and spoke in clipped tones. "I mentioned that we there were some... concerns with Shepard's brain functions and we worried that there'd been too much damage done for the synaptic responses to reconnect properly, despite all the modifications that we added."

Kaidan felt his throat dry up at the word 'modifications'. This couldn't be Shepard, it was some monster that Cereberus was trying to create to rally the galaxy behind, a figurehead for their ruthless cause and he clamped down, hard, on the miniscule voice of hope that told him to accept what the other man had told him.

"One tried and tested method was association, using objects, places and people from someone's past in order to forge similar neural pathways in order to reconnect the neurons along the same path that they'd taken before. We didn't have any reason to think that it wouldn't work, so we investigated further." He paused and gave Kaidan a knowing glance before continuing. "As I'm sure you're very much aware, Cerberus has an extensive network of agents and contacts. We were aware that you were... somewhat emotionally invested in Shepard and that he had reciprocated your advances to a certain degree."

Cold, _cold_ , clinical words, to analyze the bond he had with Shepard in such a way and it hurt him more than he realized, to hear his short, passionate time with Shepard being relegated to figures and information.

Mark went on, never realizing the dark thoughts that were worming through Kaidan's mind in tandem with his migraine. "I was... volunteered by my superiors to undertake the task. I wasn't very confident in my ability, my main expertise is science not infiltration, but I was told that you had remained emotionally unstable even after so long, and since I bear a close resemblance to the man that you loved- love, it was concluded that I had the highest chance of success."

Kaidan had noticed the shift in tense and couldn't control himself, felt the rage erupt from his mouth as his voiced dripped with venom, "John Shepard is dead. I _loved_ a great man. And I'll never feel that way for some twisted Cerberus nightmare."

Mark continued as if Kaidan hadn't said anything at all. "So, I was given your dossier, assigned false identification and tailored my image to match John Shepard as closely as possible-

"Don't you say his name you god damn piece of-"

"-and that's when you found me, or more specifically I found _you_. At Dark Star." Mark spoke as he overrode Kaidan's expletives. "We assumed that you wouldn't be... amenable to any suggestions just then and decided that it served both our best interests if we could stabalize you. So I did the only thing I could think of in that situation." Mark's voice dropped into a terse whisper and he was no longer looking at Kaidan. He was staring at the floor, the same unreadable expression Kaidan had seen previously flitting through his face.

"I knew the mission, knew what I had to do. I had all the data, it should have been easy. But... you- you were just so... dark. Like an emptiness. A hollow hole that walked like a human but didn't even _seem_ human. It hurt me to see you that way, and I panicked."

Kaidan had been glaring at the other man throughout the entire conversation, but he felt something stir inside him at the latest words to emerge. _No,_ Kaidan scolded himself, _it isn't what it sounds like. He tricked you, and he'll do it again to get you to complete the Lazarus Project_.

"I needed you to see something inside me, something that was going to repair you and return you back to who you were. I counted on you thinking I was someone else, counted on you yearning so much for something to grasp on to. I guess I didn't realize it at first but... I was starting to want you too."

 _No, no, no,_ Kaidan repeated over and over to himself, _It's a trick. A lie. All they wanted was for me to do their work for them_.

"It shouldn't have mattered, why would I care if I felt for you what you were feeling for me? At least, that's what I told myself. It was becoming... difficult to continue the mission and when I returned to the 'colonies' I requested that another agent be sent in my place. It was out of the question, too suspicious, you'd have known in a heartbeat if someone were trying to maneuver you into a position you didn't want. So I was forced to continue, to flail and stop myself from falling deeper and deeper in... with you."

Mark looked up and Kaidan could see the hurt in the other man's face, the anguish written in his eyes and Kaidan swallowed. What could he do? What could he say?

"I... Did you... Would you," No, he couldn't ask, couldn't let himself go down that road. "What- what do you want with Shepard?"

Mark nodded resignedly, sadly, around the change in subject. "We knew that there were-"

The door to the apartment hissed open to reveal a short, blue asari that was glowing with a barrier, rifle raised and pointed as she swept through the room, finally resting on Mark. He jumped up, trying to bring his pistol to bear but knew that he would be too slow.

"Mas?" Kaidan whispered in shock.

*

Masyra swept into the apartment and quickly took in the scene before her. Kaidan, hands bound behind his back as he sat on the couch and looked ready to leap up at the other man who was looking away from him and fidgetting with the pistol in his hand. She had only a moment to think before she realized that it was Mark, the man that Kaidan had been seeing for the last few months. The thought sent a coil of rage spiralling through her gut at the thought of Kaidan being held at gunpoint by someone he had trusted, maybe even started to love, and she raised her assualt rifle to the man, confident she could take him down before he knew what hit him.

Her barrier's glow intensified as she planned to throw something over at Kaidan to shield him from the inevitable crossfire and hoped that she wouldn't need to extend it over to Harvey as well. She didn't have that kind of power and her mind was in turmoil as she felt her heart go out to Kaidan. The bastard, she'd make him pay for what he did to Kaidan and-

Her thoughts and her barrier shattered as she heard a roaring bark sound from behind her and she stumbled as her shield disintegrated. On hindsight the move had probably saved her life, as the feedback made her fall to the side as the second hail of bullets tore through her right arm and her side, shearing her arm off at the elbow. She collapsed as she saw bluish blood spurt from her severed joint and watched the surreal motion of her arm as it sailed through the air and flopped sickly onto the floor.

*

Kaidan cursed as Masyra fell to the side, feeling futile and useless as he watched the rounds from the shotgun tear through her. He glared at the figure that was lurking behind her and contemplated Pulling their head away from their shoulders as repayment for the act. As he watched for an opening, realization hit him like a punch in the gut, stemming any outburst that he had planned. Harvey casually lowered the shotgun in his hand turned to Mark with a small smile across his face.

Mark turned to survey the damage that had been done by stray rounds and looked at the asari that was bleeding into the floor. He looked up at the young man who was holding his weapon over his shoulder and couldn't control the loathing that emerged. "Harvey, was that really necessary? There are other people living on this floor you know."

The grin faded and was replaced with an ugly look as Harvey eyed the other agent from across the room. "Mark. If you'd done your job and gotten the hell out of here with the package, none of this would have happened. What the hell are you still doing here anyway?"

Kaidan could only gape at the exchange, the familiarity and tension between the two and ignored them for now as he turned his attention back to Masyra and analyzed the extent of her injuries. It didn't look good, her arm was completely gone and the rounds had shredded the skin along her side and what was left of her limb. If the growing pool was any indication, she'd need medical attention quickly if she was going to pull through this.

He felt himself stand as he subconciously hobbled over to Masyra's still form, stopping suddenly at the sound of a shotgun being reloaded and pointed in his direction.

"Uh uh, no, I don't think so mister. You sit right there," Harvey said, his cocksure grin back in place.

Kaidan bared his teeth and almost leapt for the other man, but both of them bleeding out from gunshot wounds wouldn't help matters. "Dammit Harvey, or whatever the hell you're called, she's dying! You've got to... you have to do something!"

Harvey shook his head and glanced quickly at the body next to him. "I've got to do something? Oh no. Yeah well, it's not like she's a human or anything. She's always been a big, blue bitch and I figured it was good to keep her down. Hell, I don't need some short squirt crawling after me, biting my ankles." He chortled at that and Kaidan could feel the rage building up inside him, beating in tandem with the headache that threatened to wash everything else away.

"Kill you for that..." Masyra's thin voice whispered up from the floor.

"Hah! Damn! She's a tough one!" Harvey nudged her body roughly with his boot and Kaidan heard Masyra groan through her teeth.

"Stop that! Please, I- look, I'll do whatever you want, just stop-"

"Harvey," Mark interrupted threateningly, "That's enough. Why don't you go over and keep our friend company. I'll make sure we don't distress him too much." Mark went over to one of the kitchen cabinets and pulled out a small roll of gauze and some medi-gel. It wasn't enough to repair the damage fully, but it would be enough to stop the asari from bleeding to death.

"Yes, sir, mister big doctor man," Harvey sneered and sauntered his way over to where Kaidan was standing as Mark knelt in front of Masyra and began treating her wound. "Sit your ass back down, _sir_. Cerberus isn't going to want you as a corpse," He lowered the shotgun, aiming at Kaidan's chest, "though if it'll help you come along quietly, I'll be glad to take off an arm or two. Just like your friend."

Kaidan stiffled the fierce reply and slowly sat himself back down, which was a good idea anyway since it prevented him from doing anything stupid. He couldn't believe it. How many agents did Cerberus have in the Citadel? His shock must have shone through as Harvey pulled back and grinned down at Kaidan.

"I guess you're wondering how many of us there are huh? You know, Cerberus is a _big_ organization, and we have alot of resources. We have money, and we have people, stationed all over this galaxy. Hell, we even have people up over at Alliance brass!" He laughed darkly at the words, though Kaidan felt himself pale at the thought. Even the Alliance wasn't clean. Anywhere with humans could be a potential risk.

"Harvey, I think you're saying a little too much," Mark called over from his place next to Masyra.

"Yeah well, it's not like he's going to tell anyone from where he's sitting." Harvey called back, then raked his eyes over the bound and trapped man on the couch.

"Look at you, big powerful Alenko. Biotic prodigy and you couldn't even save your friend over there," he hooked a thumb over in the general direction of the door, "In fact Alenko, who have you ever saved before?"

 _Bastard_ , Kaidan thought. He knew this kind of people, sadistic creatures who took what little pleasure they could from the suffering of others and that made the contrast even stronger when he compared what was standing in front of him to the person he had shared a bunk with. Quiet, timid Harvey. Scared to even hold a conversation with a turian. And he'd just crushed Kaidan under his boot like it was nothing, carefully aimed verbal barbs that ripped into this head.

"You know," Harvey continued, "I wonder if they'll make you one of _us_. You could be a Cerberus agent, the Illusive Man can be very... persuasive with people. Maybe a control chip in your brain, turn you into some biotic artillery for the cause."

Kaidan shivered at the thought, fear making his throat go dry as he forced himself to look up at the man, tried to burn through the other man's skull with the hate that was pouring from his eyes. "At least, if that happens," Kaidan rasped, voice thick with his emotions, "I know I'll be worth something more than just some piss poor little grunt. You know, the type that goes where ever his master points, like a good dog. A dog you don't care about and that you send of to _die_."

Harvey's faced contorted, mouth turned down as he reflected some of the hate that Kaidan was casting on him. He lowered his shotgun at Kaidan's head and spat out, "Well, look at you and the mouth you have. Listen here, _sir_ , we're going to make sure you watch as we take _Commander_ Shepard and turn him into-"

"That's enough, Harvey," Mark said quietly again, and Kaidan's eyes widened as the gunshot rang through the room. Kaidan watched as the round burst through the side of Harvey's head and sprayed a red mist across the wall.

Kaidan swallowed, hard, and turned to see Mark standing just behind the coffee table and a little to the side. He opened his mouth to speak, to say something, and felt a crimson droplet enter his mouth. Coppery and bitter, he spat it out immediately and wished his hands were free so that he could wipe away the filth from his face.

Mark sighed as he lowered the slightly smoking pistol and turned to look at Kaidan. "I've done all I can for Masyra. She'll survive if you can get her to a hospital soon enough. With the way C-Sec works, I'm sure that they'll be here in force momentarily," he said it casually, as if he hadn't just shot someone in the back of the head in cold blood.

Kaidan tried again to speak and all that came out was a jumbled croak. "I... but... What?" he gabbled stupidly. Things were happening too fast and he felt like he could barely catch up.

Mark ignored his attempts at speech and quickly made his way into the bedroom, emerging moments later with another syringe held in his grip.

Kaidan tried to shy away as Mark reach over to him and held him steady. Kaidan was contemplating smashing his forehead into the other man's nose ridge but he didn't have the leverage and wasn't sure what a direct hit would do to his already throbbing head.

"Hold still Kaida- Alenko. I wouldn't want this to grate on bone."

Kaidan froze as the needle slipped in, emptied its contents into his vein and withdrew, leaving another red dot on his already stained arm. He could still taste the drop of blood that had gone into his mouth and he spat out the taste as much as he could. It was a shame he missed hitting Mark as the edges of his vision blurred around the sides. What had the man injected into him? Probably some tranquilizer, to make carrying him back to Cerberus even easier.

"Won't.. get me passed... docks.. Too difficult..." Kaidan slurred nonsensically.

Mark gave him a tired grin before sitting down next to him. "I'm not taking you with me Kaidan, not this time. I don't think you'd be much use to us in the state you're in," the warm, deep voice echoed around his conciousness and Kaidan could feel his thoughts getting fuzzy. "I couldn't let Harvey hurt you, you've already been through so much tonight. I'm sorry Kaidan, for... for everything. You may never forgive me but I'll just have to find some way to live with that. Take care of yourself."

Kaidan tried to pull back, tried to stop the yearning that was building up in him as he felt warm breath caress his cheek and neck and the last thing he felt before he slipped into unconciousness was the soft, moist heat from a lingering kiss on his lips.


	6. To Fit the Pieces Missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. It was bittersweet. I love bittersweet.. chocolate. It's also apparently very good for you. Conflicting ideals that oppose, merging along the same tangent to crash greatly in the middle, creating something wonderful rather than cancelling each other out. Or something. I don't know anymore. Poor Kaidan!

Kaidan fidgetted as he waited for the elevator to bring him to the newly opened medical centre on the Citadel. It hadn't even been christened with a name yet, but it was state of the art, with some of the best medical care that could be found in the known galaxy. Well, besides Cerberus' nightmare horror labs, resurrecting dead people, anyway.

It had been just over a month since the last time he'd seen Mark, the incident still fresh in his memory and scars that would always remain a vivid part of his life. If anything, Kaidan could feel the hate for Cerberus and what they'd done to him grow with each passing day and he felt a darkness well up inside him at the very thought. Emotional scars took far, far longer to heal than physical ones.

He had regained conciousness at the C-Sec standard med-bay, after the incident at the apartment, and had found himself, cold and alone in a dark room. He wasn't strapped up to any machines and they hadn't found anything wrong with him, but he was glad for the solitude. It had allowed him to break down, shatter the self-control he had clung to so desperately over the last two years as his mind processed and replayed the incidents that had led him up to this point. Shepard's death, the broken bond between them, his selfish carnal pleasures, finding what little heart he had left restored and shattered again by another man he had foolishly let in. And that the first man that he had opened up to, that he had thought was dead and gone, was back, a tool that belonged to an organization that he abhorred. Everything came back, full circle.

The lift shuddered to a stop and pinged, and he step out quickly, more than anything wanting to avoid the dark spiral that his thoughts were leading him through. If Mark had taught him anything though, he knew it was that he couldn't let his grief destroy him. As he looked back on the last two years of his life, he could appreciate how close he was to sending himself into self-destruct, could extrapolate how far he would have fallen, away from the light. No one would have been able to save him then. It always had to start with him, he was the only one he could trust now, he was the only one who could save himself.

He stopped and was lost for a moment, disorientated as he had let his mind wander. He checked his location on the map in his omni-tool and realized that he had over shot. He turned back and went down one more door and took a breath before he knocked on the door. The metal sound echoed amongst the careful murmur of medical staff as they flitted in the background and there was a pause before the door hissed open.

"Hey Kaidan! I'm glad you're here!"

Masyra was looking better each day, though he still couldn't get used to the sight of her arm wrapped in cool white cloth, an arm that ended just above the elbow and was carefully cradled under the ample pillows of her chest. _At least there's something soft for it to lean on_ , he thought wryly. He would never dream of speaking it out loud though. He had just regained the ability to value his life and he couldn't think of more embarassing ways to go than to be strangled by a one-armed asari.

"Hey Mas, I'm, uh, I'm glad to see that you're doing alright," which might have been an understatement when he considered how loudly she had shouted his name when he had walked into the room.

"Yeah, I'm doing better and better each day. Traatos has been keeping me company," she replied with a general wave in the direction behind Kaidan.

He jumped slightly, it really was only a small jump, as he turned and regarded the seated turian who sat silently in the corner of the room. He hadn't even noticed him there!

As if reading his mind, Traatos' mandibles twitched lazily in turian equivalent of a grin. "Good vantage here. Makes it difficult for anyone to sneak in."

 _Okay_ , Kaidan thought, _that was... weird_.

He turned back to Masyra as Traatos went back to tapping absently on his omni-tool. He pulled up a spare chair and brought it over to Masyra's bedside, making sure he kept one eye on the turian, just in case.

"So, I, uh, guess you won't be with C-Sec anymore after this. I mean, will they even allow you to get back on active duty?"

Masyra leaned over and rested a comforting hand on Kaidan's arm. "No, I won't be with C-Sec anymore. I'm leaving for Thessia, as soon as I can get cleared by the doctors. I've been coped in here for too long, always wanting to do tests and asking about what mobility it has left in it"

Kaidan felt a pang of regret at the thought, he had never imagined Masyra as anything but the staunch, stalwart investigator that she was, and it must have been a loss to her.

"I- I'm sorry to hear that Mas," Kaidan whispered, the guilt welling up inside him as he spoke. If it wasn't for him, she'd never have been in a position where-

"Hey. Don't, Kaidan. I know that look and I know what you're thinking. It didn't matter if it was you or someone else. Everything that happened, happened. I don't blame you at all for... this," she waved a hand over the bound arm strapped to her chest. "Anyway, it's probably a good thing. I've been wanting to head back home for a while now and Traatos has volunteered to accompany me so..." She trailed away, a beautiful purple blush staining her cheeks.

Kaidan blinked. And blinked again. He opened his mouth but words just wouldn't emerge, so he closed it, swallowed once and tried again. "You, uh, you and Traatos? I mean, you're both..." He just couldn't finish the sentence.

She glanced up shyly at him, which sent goosebumps along his arms since he never imagined Masyra having a shy look, and said quietly, "Yeah, I mean, you know he's been coming to see me every day since I was here. He even talked me into applying for the experimental cybernetic program, get myself a new arm. He's been... kind and caring... and I don't know... it just seemed right so..."

Kaidan could feel his thoughts go off the track at _that_ statement. Masyra? And Traatos? The asari had never given the turian a break, had threatened to beat him to a pulp on numerous occassions and Traatos was always throwing barbs at the asari. Was there something he missed?

Masyra was obviously shifting uncomrtably under Kaidan's intense scrutiny and quickly changed the subject. "So, what about you Kaidan? What's happening with you?"

While it was better than imagining Masyra and Traatos in a relationship, he still felt uncomfortable with the topic. "Ah, well, there was another attack while you were out and Anderson thinks it might be a good idea if we... went and bolstered some of the outer colonies. It seems that they're being targetted more often and, you know, since I was part of the thing from the start he thought it was a good idea if..."

Masyra nodded sadly. She didn't know what she expected but she would have been happier if her friend had gotten just a little more time to collect himself and regain that old strength that she had admired. The silence stretched between them as they each contemplated on what to say, contemplated about how to say goodbye to one another.

Kaidan broke the silence first. "Look Mas, I don't know if-"

The door hissed open and Kaidan turned to see a doctor walk in, regarding the tablet in his hand. He guessed that meant he was at the end of his visit.

Kaidan squeezed Masyra's free hand once more in comfort as he stood up to make way for the doctor, trying to convey all the feelings he had for her and his gratitude at getting to know her. She squeezed his hand in response and he could swear that he could feel... something, warm and loving from her.

"Take care of yourself Mas, don't be a stranger. If you, ah, if you ever, you know, want to talk, well, you know how to reach me," Kaidan sputtered, sharing a blush with the asari. He'd never been good with goodbyes.

Masyra turned her eyes up to look at the human she had come to see as a brother and friend. "Kaidan... I- Thank you. It was an honour knowing you, I'll definately keep in touch. I might send some stuff over to you now and then, maybe give you some lessons on how to use Reave or... something. It'll be difficult if I'm not there in person but you have great potential Kaidan. I just, don't want to see you waste it. Please, though. Take care of yourself out there."

Kaidan smiled at the thought and dropped her hand gently before making his way out, nodding once to Traatos, who returned the gesture. Just before the door closed behind him, he heard Masyra call back to him and he turned toward her.

"Kaidan. Don't... don't give in to the darkness. You're so much stronger than that, than me. Keep your love safe within you. There'll be a time when you can bring it back up, into the light. And you'll never look back."

Kaidan felt his throat tighten convulsively as he gave her one last nod farewell, heart too full for words, and made his way to the elevator. He didn't have much time, was in fact scheduled to be casting off very soon, but he had wanted to see his friends one more time before he was swept up in the galactic madness that his life had become. He hoped that he would eventually have a chance for some peace, a small chance but one that he would willingly take, if it ever came his way. His footsteps echoed through the vast and empty hallways as he buried his heart deep within his chest, taking heed of Masyra's parting words. He picked up the shattered remnants of his self and tried to fit the pieces back together, but they didn't fit altogether, couldn't, like there were pieces missing that he didn't know how to find.

With a gusty sigh, Kaidan trudged his way resignedly towawrd the docks and turned his thoughts to his latest assignment, on the planet Horizon.

*

The door to the small and claustraphobic room whooshed open. He had been dry washing his hand since the meeting had been made known to him and he kept swallowing a dry lump in his throat at the prospect of going through with it.

He eyed the large, dark circle with trepidation as he stepped into the centre, straightening his jacket in the process as ravening beams of light lifted up and swirled around the perimeter of the design. They whirled and coalesced into a poorly-rendered but expansive room, almost cavern-like in its design and he watched as it began to pick out greater detail.

A huge embankment of holo-screens appeared, flashing with data of all sorts that he couldn't make out, a sleek, stylish chair that didn't look very comfortable but held an aura of power. Of authority. The figure seated on the chair began to take shape, a crisp white suit of some unknown material swirling around as his arms and legs filled in, a cigarette clenched in between the fingers of one had. The machine even managed to capture the smoke as it drifted up from a scarred and hard face, made it seem carved of stone. It whirled and churned, bringing the indivudal's face into greater detail, graying hair and thin lips as he let the smoke stream from them. And cold, mechanical eyes. The eyes of something that clearly wasn't human or conceived by creation, three unnatural orbs rotating menacingly along a line of bring, neon blue.

"Report," the Illusive Man drawled out.

"Sir, the project is nearing completion and has reached its apex. We will begin procedures to initiate the final phase and send all-"

"That wasn't what I was refering to, Doctor Johnson."

Despite himself, Mark swallowed a sound that would have been very unbecoming of one of the Lazarus Project's top researchers.

"S- Sir?" Despite his best efforts, he couldn't stop the stammer from escaping his lips.

The Illusive Man didn't seem to hear him. "Doctor. We sent you out on a very specific task. We needed the influence that Kaidan Alenko could have had over Commander Shepard and we were forced to resort to other more... drastic measures. Thankfully, Operative Lawson managed to salvage the situation before things became critical."

"Sir, I- I filed my report as soon as I made it back to home base. Agent Harvey had become a liability and had revealed Cerberus' goals to Alenko. He compromised our mission and the revelation left Alenko unco-operative. We had no choice but to leave him behind, he would have been no use to us in that state."

The Illusive Man turned a hard, penetrating gaze at Mark, and he unconciously took a step back. "That is not something that you were asked to diagnose, _doctor_. A use would have been found for him regardless. In any case, since the young man was already aware of our plans, wouldn't it have been logical to think that he would need to be brought in, to prevent him from spreading any information?"

Mark gaped stupidly and he could feel desperation building up within him. "B- But sir, there were complications... Difficulties... I'm a doctor, not an infiltrator! Alenko was a lost cause, he wasn't emotionally stable. Harvey, he-"

"From what I'm hearing," the Illusive man cut through the tirade like a blade, "I believe that you've just informed me that you're no longer a useful asset?"

"I... No! No, sir. I am. Useful. We still have certain pieces that we need to-"

"Did you think that we were unaware of your... emotional attachments to Alenko? Were you so compelled by him that you had forgotten what you were sent in to do?" The Illusive Man's voice never wavered, never changed in its neutrality and that terrified Mark more than anything else about the man.

"Sir, with- with all due respect. I... The function of my mission was to trigger an emotional system for Alenko to-"

"I see. Thank you for your report, Doctor. Your work and dedication are to be commended and Cerberus is honoured that you are part of our grand vision."

"Sir, please, if you'll just let me explain the-"

With a wink, the lights that surrounded Mark disappeared and the softer, omni-directional lighting of the comm room rose once more to the fore. He felt disorientated and hadn't realized that sweat was begining to stream down his body. He cursed out loud, now that there was no one to hear him and he felt the urge to throw something against the wall. Now, he had a job to do and make sure the Lazarus Project reached it's final stage. After that, maybe he would have the courage to find the man that had captured his heart, that he had thanked with betrayal and violence. He could see why Kaidan was so opposed to the idea of Cerberus and wondered if things would have been different if they had met under different circumstances. Well, it hardly mattered now, after that would take care of-

The thin, searing pain that sliced through his chest made him gasp in surprise. He looked down and saw nothing out of place as an overwhelming sense of weakness surged through his limbs and it was all he could do to remain standing.

He heard a soft, wet tearing sound and a crimson rosette burst through him and painted the walls before him in obsence patterns. His voice tore through his throat as he yelled at the feeling and realized that he wasn't standing anymore. He was being held up by a deceptively thin mono-molecular blade, a design that he had been responsible for, that jutted out of his chest.

With a sickeningly swift pull, he felt the smooth sliver withdraw from him and he was blinded by the pain. He collapsed to the floor and Mark tried to push himself up, tried to turn over, but felt his hands slip in the growing pool of his own warm blood. He tried to draw a breath to speak, but coughed as blood flooded his lungs and sprayed out across the floor in front of him.

The world narrowed to a point as he felt the stabbing pain dull to a soft throb. He was sorry that his life had to end like this, sorry that he didn't have the courage to leave Cerberus when he had the chance. His last thought before darkness took him was that he was sorry he'd never get the chance to see Kaidan's sad, deep, eyes one more time.

*

The air shimmered next to the cooling body and the person that stepped out of nothingness looked down curiously at the target that it had eliminated. It didn't feel anything, not satisfaction and certainly not remorse. It was an experimental prototype, and new and advanced form of soldier that Cerberus had begun designing. It casually reached down and used one hand to check for a pulse that it knew wasn't there, just to make sure. The ocular implants and helmet it wore had already confirmed that the target had expired moments ago. Using the other hand, it methodically wiped away the blood from the blade and twisted its wrist with a flick, causing the blade to fold in on itself and return to its previous innocuous form.

It stepped away from the body and took a step to stand at the side of the circle, making sure not to step in the growing red pool on the floor. Stealth was a keyword and one that would have been redundant if it left red footprints everywhere. It turned its wrist and released a glowing bluish-yellow holo-orb that floated before it and scanned it. It stood at attention while it waited for it to complete its duty and saw a projection beam exit behind it, the light resolving into the shape of its master.

"Is it done?" The Illusive Man asked.

It nodded once, turned its head to the side and pointedly looked down at the corpse next to it.

"Good. Wait for further instructions. We'll count this first mission as a success." The Illusive Man turned and the projection shut down as the orb returned to its owner.

The Phantom glanced down once more at the body and turned to walk out the door, it's form and colour evaporating into nothingness once again just as the door shut out the room.

*

The Illusive Man let a quiet stream of smoke leave his mouth in lazy curls as he contemplated his ever growing and twisting plans. Everything was going well, despite the setbacks that they'd had so far. If everything worked out, he'd have a vital piece to add to his collection and would ensure humanity's domination in the galaxy for centuries to come. Perhaps even millenia.

He put out the last dregs of his cigarette on the ashtray that was built into the chair's armrest and activated the comm channel in front of him.

"Get me Agent Wilson. Tell him to proceed with the ruse and initiate Lazarus Protocol. Operative Lawson will not be in the loop."

"Affirmative," came the mechanical reply and he shut down the call.

He turned back to the row of screens before him and tilted his head to the side as he casually rest it on the pads of his fingertips, his cybernetic eyes shifting as they absorbed the information as it streamed across the monitors. Yes, everything was working as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Whew! It's been a wonderful trip! I mean seriously, I never would have thought I'd be become so caught up in writing fiction and telling stories, sharing perspectives. It's been really wonderful. At long last, I've finished all the ground work and experimentation and will be moving on to the good bits, namely Mass Effect 3 and all the wonderful wonderful characters that are in there.
> 
> Personally though, I would feel... incomplete if I didn't do one that covered the entire Mass Effect 3 up till the Catalyst scene. I've gone through a lot of the texts in the archives and there are just SO many that explore that avenue, and I must admit they do it much better than what I was envisioning. However, if there is anyone (call for anyone's who's interested? anyone? sad face) who really wants me to do my own version I'd be happy to. Just for you. In fact, it would be my great honour. I'll be taking a few days off from writing as I sketch out something I've been planning since I first joined the archive community... And head back to the gym. Sobs. Anyway, it'll be a post-ME3 story that will (hopefully) blow your brains out! It'll have lots more love, angst, smut and connect everything in a wonderful little package and will definitely make call-backs to all my previous works and events that have been in game.
> 
> And there will DEFINITELY be more main characters appearing. This I Promise You. You could almost say that it would be a possible starting and plot direction for the planned ME4 that they are working on. Don't want to raise expectations too much, but there you go. Shivers in anticipation.
> 
> As usual, I welcome any and all criticism, be it positive or negative. I'm a big man, I can take it. Want to do a really BIG shout out to queer_serenity (who's on this archive) if he/she doesn't mind. It was his/her wonderful comment that got me going and made me finish this last part. Thank you serenity! You should check out his/her works. They're... well, they're amazing. I can't begin to describe.
> 
> P.S, I hope I got Kaidan's voice down alright. It was difficult, especially at the parts when he had to lose control, since you hardly ever see him lose control. Ever. So if there's anything you'd like to get me to improve, I'm all ears! Also, I'm wondering if you all think it would be easier if I deleted everything and compiled them into one big superwork per story? It might make it easier for you guys to read, and I'm all for putting in the extra work for that.
> 
> P.P.S, I'll stop talking now. Seriously. I'm sorry. It's late. And I'm nervously excited. Face falls on keyboard.


End file.
